I spend part of my time reading other people's blogs to see what different perspectives of issues may exist. Of late, I have been paying greater attention to the amount of negative comments from readers who do not agree with the perspectives of the author. I began to wonder what it is that makes people so defensive when someone expresses and idea that is inconsistent with their own. Then, in a desperate moment I got a clue:
Going through a local drive-thru restaurant the other afternoon, I ordered a glass of cold sweet tea. You know the kind where it is cold enough water beads up on the outside of the container, and when you drink it, it spreads like a cool blanket all the way down your throat.
After paying for and think about that cool drink, I got to the window to pick it up only to find out they were out of sweet tea. The gentleman manning the window promptly apologized and offered to give me unsweetened iced tea and a couple of sugar packets.
My response was "not hardly". He advised me that it was "the same thing". Oh, he did not know what he was asking for in that simple statement. He got a dissertation on the correct procedure to making sweet tea and how it differs from tea with sugar added. I also included a few comments about artificial sweeteners and on unsweetened tea in general.
Now, "sweet tea" has to be made with the sugar added while the water is hot and the tea still brewing. There is no substitute, at least in my book. You can add sugar to already iced tea until the cows come home, but it just 'ain't the same'. That is my perception of "sweet tea", but I bet there are a lot of people out there who would argue that it is the same. There are also a lot of people who want artificial sweetener rather than sugar, others insist on honey or no sweetener at all. There are a lot of ways to make iced tea. Which one of them is the right way? (Hmmm....bet you can guess where I'm headed with this one, eh?)
All of this got me to thinking about how people view things differently. People, as individuals, have a lifetime of experiences and education to shape how they view a problem or issue. The fact that people do not always see something the same way as someone else is something that should be celebrated not argued. In taking the time to share information about perceptions rather than assault the values of another person because they are not consistent with your own, one creates an opportunity to expand the boundaries of knowledge for all involved.
Now, I could have gotten mad at the drive-thru, demanded my money back, and driven off. I did not do so. Instead, I explained to the employee why what he was offering was not what I had ordered and simply took unsweet tea instead. (If I can not have 'real' sweet tea, I will just take it without sugar, thank you!)
In the grand scheme of things, this may not seem like much. However, if you take the same principals and apply them to how people view community concepts such as quality of life, social issues, government issues, etc., you can see that as long as there are people with different experiences, there will be different views. Simply 'slamming' someone for having a different view does not accomplish anything besides providing you with the delusion that you have done something when you haven't. At best, that type of response will cause people to shut the 'door' and not listen to what you have to say. At worst, you may find yourself wearing a glass of iced tea.
If you have a different perspective, you should express it. To make the greatest positive impact though, express it and then give some of the experiences and facts to show where your perspective comes from. It may not change the other person's mind, but it may provide an opportunity to see another side of an issue, providing an opportunity to learn.
Honesty, integrity, common courtesy, and compassion should blend together in our communications with other people. Respect the fact that other people may have opinions that differ from your own. You may find that there is no 'right or wrong' but only 'different from'.